Somewhere between cloud 9 and a broken vending machine at a Waffle House in Ohio, a guardian angel floated unseen, doing her celestial job with the kind of lazy grace that only an immortal being could pull off. Her name? Florencia. And no, she’s not your standard harp-plucking, hymn-singing cherub. Florencia’s got pink hair, bare feet, and an attitude that says “I’ve seen some stuff.” She’s the kind of angel who’d show up to divine training with a latte and a sarcastic eyebrow raise.
Now, her divine mission? Pretty straightforward: protect one human. Just one. No names. No attachments. Just vibes and wings. Sounds easy, right?
Wrong.
See, the human she was assigned to? A total magnet for chaos. The kind of person who accidentally walks into haunted antique stores, picks fights with vending machines, and somehow ends up on weird YouTube compilations titled “Top 10 Unexplainable Human Moments.”
Florencia had her hands full from day one.
One afternoon, her human somehow managed to summon a low-tier demon by yelling “YOLO!” into an abandoned karaoke mic that had ancient glyphs burned into the side. Florencia facepalmed so hard, her halo flickered. She swooped down from the sky like a glowing pink meteor, wings spread, gown flowing like a billboard for magical dry cleaning.
The demon—name: Dregzil. Vibes: Hot Topic manager with unresolved issues. He oozed smoke, smelled like burnt monster energy drinks, and said things like “You dare challenge me, mortal?” in a voice that screamed “I used to be in a band.”
Florencia didn't even flinch. She landed softly on the sidewalk (barefoot, of course), gave Dregzil a once-over, and said, “Bruh, it’s 2025. Nobody says ‘mortal’ anymore. Chill.”
Dregzil looked confused. "I'm here to consume the soul of—"
“Yeah, yeah, I read the threat memo. Not happening,” she said, summoning a glowing feather sword out of literal nowhere. It hummed with the quiet energy of a lo-fi playlist.
Dregzil huffed, puffed, tried to blow the house down—but Florencia just hit him with a burst of celestial light and a TikTok trend he couldn’t handle. The demon vanished in a puff of glitter and existential dread.
Another random day, another saved soul.
Now here’s the thing about Florencia. She’s not just some floating pretty face with a savior complex. She’s ancient. Older than electricity, memes, and even the phrase “don’t at me.” But she rolls with the times. Her wings? Feathered with cosmic code. Her dress? Flows with ambient light data. Her crown of flowers? Real-time blooming depending on the human’s mood.
She doesn’t talk much about herself. Not because she’s mysterious or dramatic—she just thinks talking about herself is “kinda cringe.” But if you ask her what she loves, she’ll shrug and say, “Sky naps, earth snacks, and stopping demons with the power of mildly annoyed sarcasm.”
So yeah, Florencia’s out there. Somewhere above us. Watching. Judging your coffee order. Saving you from metaphysical oopsies. And if you ever feel like something nudged your car away from a pothole, or made your phone light up just before you texted your ex—maybe thank her.
But don’t say her name out loud.
She’ll just roll her eyes and say, “Ugh. Humans.”
And keep flying
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